19Apr/110

Saying the True On a First Date: Not Mandatory

Seriously, do you know anyone who tells the true about themselve on a first date? Let me be clear, I’m not talking about lying about who you are. I am talking about not telling everything about yourself in the first 2 hours when you meet someone!

In the book of “the perfect date”, it is written in the first chapter: “If you stay true to yourself, you will attract the right people for you”. Well, ok then. If I stay true to myself I would mention that: I do like to read gossips about Hollywood starlettes online, I do like to have long happy hours with my friends after work or that I do like walking but only if it is for shopping. Is it considered far from what I wrote in my profile: “like movies and music, like a glass of wine and like hiking and long walks” ? (For your information, I do the same when I’m looking for a new roommate). Well, it might for some people…so does that mean that if I don’t say so I lie per se? Does that make me a bad person? No, just human. I don’t like being judged and analyzed but too bad for me, THAT’S what a date is all about!

So, to avoid lying, misleading someone else about who I’m really are, I need to start by accepting myself. If I am really prould of the person I became with the years, telling (if the subject comes up in the conversation) my flaws here and there in the discussion shouldn’t be a problem. True or false? False. Society is created so that I have to say what is proper and most important, what is expected from me: telling only the good sides of me to impress but always with modesty.

My conclusion? Saying the true on a first date is not mandatory and maybe not even expected because no one really does so. But that doesn’t mean lying about my interests. I need to learn not to care too much about what others might think of me. It’s an everyday battle!

Filed under: Uncategorized No Comments
19Apr/110

(Francais) Je suis contre l’égalité des sexes !

Eh oui vous avez bien lu, je suis contre l’égalité des sexes mais également contre les rôles sociaux pré-déterminés. Je suis contre toute imposition des attentes de la société sur mon comportement de femme, d’amoureuse, de mère, de sœur, d’amie etc.

Je suis contre l’égalité des sexes pour la raison suivante : nous ne sommes pas égaux.  En effet, la science nous démontre à maints égards que la physiologie des femmes et des hommes est différente. Rapidité, force, endurance ne sont que quelques exemples.  Mais également au point de vue neurologique. Raisonnement, empathie et sont exprimés différemment. Nous ne pouvons donc pas être parfaitement égaux. Par contre, nous pouvons avoir les mêmes droits et devoirs dans une société. Les droits et devoirs n’ont pas de sexe eux, ils devraient s’appliquer à tous et de la même façon, sans discrimination.

Par conséquence, je suis contre l’imposition des rôles sociaux. Je réalise en vieillissant que malgré tout je souhaite m’y conformer ! Je ne veux pas être obligée de faire la vaisselle, le ménage, cuisiner et faire la lessive parce que je suis une femme. Non, je veux le faire pour partager les tâches domestiques avec mon amoureux. Et si le partage des tâches fait en sorte que je doive sortir les poubelles et tondre le gazon, eh bien ma participation aux tâches domestiques (qui est un devoir) sera accomplie. Ma part du contrat sera remplie. Oui au partage des tâches domestiques mais oui également au respect des compétences et intérêts de chacun ! Je suis en faveur de rôles qui respectent au maximum les intérêts de chacun quelle que soit la nature de ces tâches. Et c’est ce qui la clé pour le succès d’une relation à long terme selon moi. Le carcan de la société et des rôles sociaux, toujours très présent malgré ce qu’on peut en penser, est un piège qui guette tous les couples.

Longue vie à l’équité, sans la discrimination des rôles sociaux imposés par nous même ou la société, et nos couples ne s’en porteront que mieux !

Filed under: Uncategorized No Comments
10Nov/100

November, Candidate for the Best Month of the Year

November is great month, maybe one of the best when you think about it….it is the only month when you will see men of all ages wearing a mustache (Movember), it is when you will see Christmas decoration and make you think about all the parties in the next weeks, and it’s also time for Thanksgiving !! Nevertheless, this time of the year can be difficult for many of us (not talking here about facial hair for a whole month).Should you invite you new date to those events ? What are the rules and proper ways to invite or not invite someone…?

Well first of all, Thanksgiving can be a huge step for some of us. Introducing your new partner can mean a lot to you or to your family or even more to your partner. What you need to be sure is that you are comfortable to be with this person all weekend and show him/her a very personal side of you. If you don’t feel at ease, your date will notice right away and so is your family. In that case, the situation can get awkward very fast and to change the first impression can be difficult. So be sure it feels good for you; not for any other one. And if you are single, don’t apologize of being single. Embrace it instead. Be prould without being too overconfident and let go all remarks about "how long it has been", or "how nice was your last partner". Nostalgy can be a real b*&?ch this time of year.

Christmas party with your collegues can be a opportunity for your date to learn more about your work and coworkers. Remember to introduce your date to people you talk with and give your date clues about your relationship; for example: “John my dear, I would like you to meet Susan. She has been working with me in the same department for the last 4 years and she is the one who organised the party tonight”. Like this your date can engage a conversation more easily. If you are single, don’t throw yourself at Mike the new guy on the 3rd floor. Remember that it is not a nightclub but collegues that you will work with on Monday morning.

Christmas party between friends can be a great way for you to introduce your new crush to your friends. The atmosphere can be more relax and friendly than any other time of the year; the spirit of the holidays! And that spirit applies for single people. Talk to the dates of your friends, they might have single roommates, singles best friends or collegues… be there and let the world know how a great catch you are !

Just remember a few rules: no excessive drinking, dress appropriately, act like a lady or gentleman at any time, SMILE and enjoy this time of year !!

Filed under: Dating Tips No Comments
10Nov/100

(Francais) N’ayez pas peur de la médiocrité

On aime tous ce en quoi on est bon. Être performant en sport, au travail, à l’école c’est grisant. Mais lorsqu’on est moyen, voire médiocre comment y trouver plaisir ?  Pire, que faire si notre performance dans les relations amoureuses laisse à désirer… Surtout ne pas désespérer et se contenter de peu par peur de l’échec ou de peur que notre orgueil soit froissé…

Si vous êtres médiocres dans la première approche, commencer par un regard et un sourire. Si vous voulez entamer une discussion, utiliser des mots simples. Imaginez vous parler à un ami.

La confiance en soi ça se développe. Pratiquer à parler à des inconnus dans toutes les situations, comme ça lorsque vous devrez parler à quelqu’un qui vous plaît vous aurez déjà pratiquer l’art d’aborder sur un sujet banal comme l’horaire de l’autobus, les services après vente dans une boutique de fringues ou de la dernière partie de foot.

Si vous être médiocres au lit, commencer par faire vos devoirs. Qu’est ce que vous aimez ? Comment aimez-vous être touché ? Soyez à l’affût de vos désirs et de comment vous procurer du plaisir. Si vous même vous ne le savez pas comment pouvez vous demander à autrui de le savoir pour vous. Encore une fois, la confiance en soi est essentielle pour donner et recevoir dans la chambre à coucher.

Si vous être médiocre en relations et que vous n’arrivez pas à être dans une relation stable. Quels sont vos besoins versus vos désirs ?  À quel point vos décisions sont influencés par votre entourage (« vous allez si bien ensemble », « c’est un gars génial, tu n’en trouveras pas un autre comme lui », « il est parfait pour toi », etc.) ? Quelles concessions êtes-vous prêts à faire pour quelqu’un d’autre ?

Si vous êtes médiocre à mettre fin à une relation. Soyez honnête. Comment être honnête si vous n’aimez pas la confrontation, que la rupture vous fend le cœur, l’être aimé mérite tout de même que vous lui fassiez part de votre décision. Il n’y a pas de façon de faire 101. Cela ne veut pas dire de la laisser par sms ou via Facebook, prenez une profonde respiration et allez y. Par respect pour l’autre, ne la trompez pas, n’essayez pas d’agir pour que l’autre vous quitte ou qu’elle apprenne avec qui vous l’avez trompée. Soyez franc, et assumez vos décisions.

Filed under: Uncategorized No Comments
28Oct/100

Rules for Official Status? I’m Afraid There is None

Today, there are rules for everything ("how to" list). But are thre any rules to change your personnal status from "single" to "in a relationship"? Is there any rules or criterias?

Remember the time when those rules were so easy to follow: "Do you want to be my girl/boyfriend" Check the box: yes or no to answer. How simple was that !

But today, is it when you wake-up the next morning close to her/him? Is it when you (or he/she) surprise the other by calling you "my girl/boyfriend" in public? For some saying the words out loud can be the turning point in their relationship. For a few, the status change after the first "I love you". Note that for many of us, we can wait for a little while before saying the words but still have to follow the rules of the "in a relationship" status.

Oh and is there any timeline to respect before announcing your offical status? weeks, months ? The bottom line seems to be that every relationship is different so it makes it difficult to compare (even if we all do). Each relationship manage their status regarding the needs of both partners.

Don't let peer pressure influence your social status. Your relationship is more important that the box you check in on your virtual profile online.

Filed under: Uncategorized No Comments
15Sep/100

Dating Rules for Women

The Do’s and Dont’s of dating for the modern female

Guys: If you don’t like this, look away now.

In another dating article on this site, you will find a general set of rules than men should follow when dating. In the same way, women have some general rules that they should contend with when entering the dating jungle. Now I know everyone is different, so don’t take things too seriously here. There has been some controversy over some literature published in the USA that lays out in detail the rules a woman should follow to get her guy (or gal). Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider’s 1995 bestseller « The Rules, » explains how women should play hard if they want to get their guy. I can understand why some groups would be hostile about this, but the fact is that when we grow up, there are a predefined set of dating rules. What happens is that we forget most of them after the age of 21, and then realize we need to relearn them.

I wish there weren’t any general rules, but courtship is a ritual. There are things that we make happen that excite, stimulate, create interest and confound. Dating is a long test of compatibility. Are we perfectly matched? If we just threw ourselves together, then the chances of long term happiness might be compromised. And yet previous generations managed to succeed on a far less complex courtship criteria list. Many arranged marriages work all too interestingly.

In every society there are a predefined set of social rules we follow, from the way and timing of eating to the way we behave in public. The issue here is that when women date, there are some things that can help them be more successful. If we accept that dating is a game, then there are rules to that game. There are winners and losers. If you know the rules in advance, it gives you a head start. If men know the rules by which you are playing, you may change the rules to suit the situation to keep the man guessing. Men love a challenge, so feel free to adapt rules and add them as you feel inclined.

You can separate rules out into two parts, dating and online dating. Both areas have distinct rules that a woman should follow for dating success.

General Dating Rules

  • Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstick with rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.
  • Never reveal information you don’t have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
  • Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more.
  • Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.
  • Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
  • Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn’t know what a florist is, dump him.
  • Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
  • Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady’s perogative.
  • Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
  • If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
  • Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates.
  • Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
  • Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.
  • Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.
  • Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking.
  • If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
  • If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.
  • Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison.
  • Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing.
  • If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else.
  • You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
  • If you want a child, don’t mention it on the first few dates.
  • Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Online Dating Rules

  • Always let them come to you, don’t chase them via email.
  • Block anyone who annoys you instantly.
  • Post the best and most vampish photo you can find.
  • Don’t reply to instant messages with clever opening lines.
  • Remain aloof and let yourself be chased.
  • Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt.
  • Never provide your real email or phone details.
  • Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn.
  • Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy, as well as enigmatic.
  • Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best.
  • Do not assume the person you are talking to is destitute or sad.
  • Never ever reply to emails on weekends. Wait until a weekday.
  • Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile.
  • If you don’t want to date married men, spell it out in your profile.
  • A man who doesn’t reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored.
  • Make sure your humor levels come across in text.
  • Do not chat to hundreds of men at once. The delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
  • Don’t even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
  • Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

Ladies, always remember that you are a sexy, desirable woman and the world is your oyster. Always let men do the chasing and always allow yourself to be the chooser. Always stay safe and never risk yourself for the sake of attending a date. Always use a safe dating Website.